Daily Life with a Mental Health Disorder

Living with a mental health or chronic condition can consume every aspect of our daily lives. It is relentless, without any time-outs or reprieves. Whether awake or asleep, there is an ongoing battle between the mind and body for absolute control.

“A Story of Joy”

Years ago, a social worker in the emergency department told me that to be happy I needed to “find joy.” Instinctively, I wanted to ask her what she believed “joy” was and how exactly she expected me to not only discover it, but to build it into my “happy place.”  I reconsidered, thinking my questions might send me to the behavioral health unit, again. Finally, I chose silence, suspecting she would not grasp my concerns anyway.

A frequent frustration for those of us living with physical, emotional, or mental disorders is that, regardless of why we visit clinics or hospitals, there is often an initial assumption that our ailments are not “real,” or we are drug-seeking.

On this occasion I went to the emergency department for a dislocated knee. I can appreciate that medical professionals, social workers, and law enforcement, are concerned about those of us with mental illnesses/disorders and our reactions to stress from overcrowded, at-risk, sick people. What I struggle to accept is when my mental stability is prioritized over urgent medical treatment.

My apologies. Back to finding “Joy” –

In my life experience of a psychotic disorder and PTSD, I am unsure whether I can relate to feelings of joy. There have been times that I seemed to have been happier than others, but “joyful” would not be my word for them.

Perhaps I just do not have a good understanding of what “joy” is meant to be. When I think of “joy” I think of “bliss” or “elation” that is “above all else.” Only in Heaven can I imagine the possibility of feelings such as those.

Right now, with hope and faith for what the future may bring, I am thankful for what the concept of “Joy” can mean in my life. If I find joy one day, I will appreciate it; but my focus is on building the Ideal Life I can have with who I am and what I have.

If creating my own version of an Ideal Life is necessary, I accept that. I wholeheartedly permit myself to be calmer, to breathe easier, and to find clarity and acceptance. I welcome quieting the endless noise of guilt and shame, and to be purposeful against the memories and lasting effects of those who took away my power and left me broken.

My Ideal Life is not about resolving all the conflict within myself and my environment or being the sole architect of my Ideal Self. Instead, Ideal Life is a framework that holds together every part of my past, present, and future. Within it, I can gather what I need to feel as whole as possible, while patching together the fragments of who I am.

If you have stories, testimonies, or experiences of Your life with chronic illness, I would like to hear them. We are stronger together than apart.

And, if you have found “joy,” let it know I am looking forward to it!

^-^ Zete Logan